Life changes...

So do to my previous episode last week I decided some things needed to change. So I took up running. I've always wanted to do it and have tried but I never seem to follow through. So I have been getting up early and running. It is so excilerating to plug in my ipod and just pound the pavement! My boss runs in a marine marathon every year in DC. I would love to someday run in that. I know I have to run a year before I can start training for a marathon so I'll have to keep on it. I just think it would be an awesome goal to acomplish.

So apparently I am more stressed out then I thought I was. It is amazing how your body will shut down when things are just not going right in your life. I have been trying to get pregnant for some time now. On Friday night my sister told us all that she is pregnant. I'm not going to lie, I was furious, and in total conflict. I wanted to be happy for my sister, but at that same time I was so angry at her for getting pregnant so quickly and easily. On Wednesday I basically had a nervous break down. I sat on the floor of my bathroom and screamed at the top of my lungs for like 5 minutes. I just couldn't stop. Scared the crap out of my husband. He didn't know what to do. So he called my parents. I basically had a full blown panic attack. I've never had one so I ddin't know what was happening to me. It is amazing what difference a blessing can make. My dad came over and gave me one. I felt so much more peaceful and like I could handle the world after that. I told my friend what happened and she couldn't believe it. She said I am the most calm and collected person she knows so if that happened to me I must be under stress. At this point all I can do is laugh about it and thank God I didn't freak out at work. That would have been extremely embarrasing. It's hard to believe that sometimes your body knows yourself moreso that your head does. My mom told me this has happened to other family members of mine when they get stressed out and can't handle life. It is comforting to know that I have so many people on my side. My mom put me name in several temples. I am extremely blessed to have such a great family. My husband especially. I don't know what I would do without them. I feel very blessed in my life.

Garden update...

The top of a Texas Sweet Onion. I have pulled a few (because I am extremely inpatient) and cooked with them. They are the sweetest tasting onions I have ever had!

A baby acorn squash. I planted acorn squash last year and only got two. This year there are over ten baby squash plants out there and they just keep on growing!

Foxy tries to help me weed. She eats the tops of the plants. She would get lost in the squash. Some of the leaves are bigger then she is!

These are baby vine cherry tomatoes. They are going to be tasty when they are done. I have to give these away I can't eat them fast enough. Last year I grew yellow pear tomatoes and had over 150 tomatoes!

This is a garden salsa pepper. They are pretty spicy but they make the best salsa! Just make sure and seed them really well and you won't have to spicy of salsa!

This is an anheim pepper. They are really good stuffed or made into chille rellonos. Yumm!

I like to grow pickling cucumbers. They are small and are ready quickly. They also have the sweetest flavor when they are fresh. I put them on everything. They are good on tacos, in pesto pasta, on salad, in slaw, and of course to make pickles out of!

The sweet peas are growing so tall! They have out grown the stakes I put in for them. They are right next to the corn, which they tower over! I'm so excited to have fresh corn this year!

This is a head of romaine lettuce. I have been periodically picking lettuce off of it, so at this point it is about 3 feet tall. This lettuce is so vibrantly green, crisp, and buttery tasting. I almost can't go back to eating store bought lettuce, it basically has no flavor compared to this home grown version. (I chopped this off and made salad out of it right after I took this picture with some teriyaki chicken, strawberries, and slivered almonds, Yummm)!!

My squash is taking over!! We have had so much rain here this year my garden has exploded! I have three different squash plants (butternut, acorn, and pumpkin) in there but it looks like one big jumbled mess of plants. My pumpkin plant is over 15 feet long from one pumpkin to another (so probably longer if I measured end to end)! You can barely tell, but there is cilantro and onions barried under there somewhere.

I went golfing for the first time with my husband yesterday. After being married for almost 4 years you would think that I would have gone before. I actually played way better than I thought I would. I didn't realize how sore I would be the next day! My hands hurt and so does my lower back! I told Luke we have to go the driving range so I can build up those muscles. It's amazing how stress relieving it is to wack a ball! I had so much fun. I have gone with Luke several times to the course, but usually I just drive the cart. It is so much fun watching him tee off. He always wiggles his butt to get into position which is my favorite part! It was a lot more fun to actually play though!!

The joy of my life (right now)...

I absolutely love gardening. It's so exciting to be able to go out into my yard, pick some veggies, and cook them up. The flavor of fresh fruit and veggies is so amazing. Pictured here I have purple eggplant flowers, baby snap pea flowers, baby zuchini, baby tomatoes, and the garden itself. Right now the weeds are taking over. I swear I weed everyday and they grow faster than I can pull them! I love playing in the dirt, and now I have an excuse!

Today would have been my oldest brother's 30th birthday. I miss him. It is hard to believe he will never be that age. He will never get to enjoy the joy of growing old. Not on this earth anyway...maybe in another life. Today has been a day for mixed emotions. I am happy that my brother gave his life for something that he truly and utterly believed in. But I am angry that he was taken so young. When I was 20 I thought my brother was so wise at 25 and knew what he wanted out of life. Now I am 25 and realize my brother had barely lived. Granted the life he did live was always full of laughter and joy. He had a few hard spots along the way, but everyone I have talked to that knows Doug has nothing but kind things to say. Doug wasn't the nicest of brothers at all times. He was my older brother after all, and there was plenty of brotherly 'love' thrown my way. It was really hard for me to get over my brothers death. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of during that time. As any normal person would. I felt robbed. I felt robbed of the Doug other people knew. The Doug I knew wasn't the easiest to live with. I felt robbed and angry and remorseful that I didn't tell him all the things I wanted to tell him before he died. That we weren't able to become the best friends I always knew we would be. Now I realize not many people do get to say all those things to those who are gone. Death isn't something I had ever had to handle before. All of my grandparents are living, and I've never really known anyone close to me to die. This was an incredibly hard thing to go through, but at least I'm stronger for it. Anyway...I guess I'm rambling. My point was today my brother would have been 30, and I miss him. The last picture is a poem from his funeral. It is such a beautiful poem I thought I would post it here. Freedom is not free. I have learned that the hard way. I don't take my life for granted. I have come to the conclusion that if there is something you don't like about yourself, or you life nobody can change it but you. And enjoy every minute of it while your getting there. I love my brother. Happy Birthday bro, I hope it was great!

I swear pregnancy tests are the bane of my existence. Over the last two years I've probably taken 40 pregnancy tests and they all say the same thing! I swear Luke and I will never get pregnant! That's not true I know it will happen. I just feel like it's been so long since we started trying. Everyone I know is pregnant. It's so frustrating! It's ok though, at least it's exciting knowing it will happen someday!