Today would have been my oldest brother's 30th birthday. I miss him. It is hard to believe he will never be that age. He will never get to enjoy the joy of growing old. Not on this earth anyway...maybe in another life. Today has been a day for mixed emotions. I am happy that my brother gave his life for something that he truly and utterly believed in. But I am angry that he was taken so young. When I was 20 I thought my brother was so wise at 25 and knew what he wanted out of life. Now I am 25 and realize my brother had barely lived. Granted the life he did live was always full of laughter and joy. He had a few hard spots along the way, but everyone I have talked to that knows Doug has nothing but kind things to say. Doug wasn't the nicest of brothers at all times. He was my older brother after all, and there was plenty of brotherly 'love' thrown my way. It was really hard for me to get over my brothers death. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of during that time. As any normal person would. I felt robbed. I felt robbed of the Doug other people knew. The Doug I knew wasn't the easiest to live with. I felt robbed and angry and remorseful that I didn't tell him all the things I wanted to tell him before he died. That we weren't able to become the best friends I always knew we would be. Now I realize not many people do get to say all those things to those who are gone. Death isn't something I had ever had to handle before. All of my grandparents are living, and I've never really known anyone close to me to die. This was an incredibly hard thing to go through, but at least I'm stronger for it. Anyway...I guess I'm rambling. My point was today my brother would have been 30, and I miss him. The last picture is a poem from his funeral. It is such a beautiful poem I thought I would post it here. Freedom is not free. I have learned that the hard way. I don't take my life for granted. I have come to the conclusion that if there is something you don't like about yourself, or you life nobody can change it but you. And enjoy every minute of it while your getting there. I love my brother. Happy Birthday bro, I hope it was great!

I swear pregnancy tests are the bane of my existence. Over the last two years I've probably taken 40 pregnancy tests and they all say the same thing! I swear Luke and I will never get pregnant! That's not true I know it will happen. I just feel like it's been so long since we started trying. Everyone I know is pregnant. It's so frustrating! It's ok though, at least it's exciting knowing it will happen someday!

Libby Langdon's Small Space Solutions ISBN-10: 1599214245; ISBN-13: 978-1599214245 is my favorite new design book. It has the best ideas on how to decorate in smaller spaces. She has a lot of really great ideas. For example I would never have thought to use a wine rack that hangs on the wall as a magazine rack for the bathroom. I love the colors she uses in this book.

Another really great book to check out is Judith Miller'sBook of Color ISBN-10: 0609607847; ISBN-13: 978-0609607848. This book groups together color in periods and shows you what colors really work well together and gives the colors in paint you can actually afford! This book just has some really great color combinations and ideas!

I found this awesome dress at a little boutique in Durango. I really liked the pattern and it matches my back room. So, I thought of a great way to incorporate it into the room. My husband works for a print shop at our school and he can do up to an 11 x 17 photo. I am going to take different angles of this pattern (it also has a little red attached to the bottom I'll take a picture later and upload it) and have Luke print it out in 11 x 11 and frame it in black 12 x 12 frames with a one inch mat. I'll probably do like 6 of them and hang them above my bed as a pseudo headboard until we eventually buy a new bed. The back room is almost finally done! I'm really glad cause I'm tired of living in disarray!

This last weekend Luke and I went to Luke's hometown, Pagosa Springs, for a golf tournament. One of Luke's really good friends was killed in a car accident their senior year of high school. Lauren's parents have a scholarship fund that is funded by the golf course. Luke has played all but one year for the last seven years but has never won. Well he won this weekend!! I am so proud of Luke...and doesn't he look sexy swingin' that club!!

The most amazing thing happened to me last week. I came home and my entire front yard had been relandscaped! My Aunt, grandma, mom, best friend and her boyfriend, sister and her husband spent the whole day redoing my yard as a surprise to me! My yard is beautiful. I have such a great family to do this for me! I can't believe how different it looks. I wish I had some before and after pics but unfortunately (or not) I only have the after pics!!

This is my Aunt Angie that staid with me for the wedding. It was so nice to have family come to town! I just wish more family would come visit!

I have the cutest niece and nephew. These were taken at Arianna's 3rd birthday party. She loved every gift she got and said wow to almost everyone. She is very talkative and tells you all about her day. I also included a picture of my grandparents, my dad, my brother, and my nephew. Talk about a generational picture!