Today would have been my oldest brother's 30th birthday. I miss him. It is hard to believe he will never be that age. He will never get to enjoy the joy of growing old. Not on this earth anyway...maybe in another life. Today has been a day for mixed emotions. I am happy that my brother gave his life for something that he truly and utterly believed in. But I am angry that he was taken so young. When I was 20 I thought my brother was so wise at 25 and knew what he wanted out of life. Now I am 25 and realize my brother had barely lived. Granted the life he did live was always full of laughter and joy. He had a few hard spots along the way, but everyone I have talked to that knows Doug has nothing but kind things to say. Doug wasn't the nicest of brothers at all times. He was my older brother after all, and there was plenty of brotherly 'love' thrown my way. It was really hard for me to get over my brothers death. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of during that time. As any normal person would. I felt robbed. I felt robbed of the Doug other people knew. The Doug I knew wasn't the easiest to live with. I felt robbed and angry and remorseful that I didn't tell him all the things I wanted to tell him before he died. That we weren't able to become the best friends I always knew we would be. Now I realize not many people do get to say all those things to those who are gone. Death isn't something I had ever had to handle before. All of my grandparents are living, and I've never really known anyone close to me to die. This was an incredibly hard thing to go through, but at least I'm stronger for it. Anyway...I guess I'm rambling. My point was today my brother would have been 30, and I miss him. The last picture is a poem from his funeral. It is such a beautiful poem I thought I would post it here. Freedom is not free. I have learned that the hard way. I don't take my life for granted. I have come to the conclusion that if there is something you don't like about yourself, or you life nobody can change it but you. And enjoy every minute of it while your getting there. I love my brother. Happy Birthday bro, I hope it was great!
I wish I would have been able to meet Doug. I feel like I know him from what everyone else has told me. He was taken way too young, and I am sure you all miss him terribly--I loved how you said it is a reminder to not take life for granted. I think we all need to remember that :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, I feel the same way! I wish my husband could have met him as well. I think they would have really like each other! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a touching birthday tribute to Doug. Thank you Becca for sharing your feelings with us. Happy Birthday to the brother, nephew, son, and hero we all love.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a wonderful grand-daughter and I love you very much! We do miss Doug, and you were a good sister to him. Grandma knows how big brothers can be. I was there, just a bunch of normal grand-kids being theirselves and part of growing up. We should tell the ones we love often how much we love them, in my prayers I always mention Doug and he is still a part of our Eternal Family and that is what is so wonderful about the Gospel Of Jesus Christ.
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